You can do what you decide to do-but you cannot decide what you will decide to do.

sam harris-

valentines is over. spring is in the air. and as i have gotten out of bed a bit earlier then normal, for this brief moment i can think about this. i can pause for a break and take the moment in without all the noise, rush and fuss that will come when the day starts to really unfold. i will not get this day back, or any of the other ones behind me I might have lived imperfectly. those are gone, today is yet to go but i have already managed to fill it up.

i think im predisposed to play. so i steal time from a day at the office where i would try to keep the staff attentive and caring for the business our customers better. its a day closer to the long sleep and i have no choice in the matter. i read recently we are simply biological puppets, playing out our destiny while imagining that we are in control. i can get behind this theory. there is nothing in my body or in the objects surrounding me i have created, they have come into existence like i have, like the thoughts that percolate up in my mind, like it all.

evidently dolphins sleep with one eye open, in order to navigate the water with their pods as the go up and down so as to keep breathing. humans also have two parts of the brain that tend to look at one another, it gives rise to consciousness and allows us to see ourselves, remember our dreams and pretend that we are aware. a stroke of genius that has created the vast games we play, the relationships we weave and the objects we make. its what keeps us alive, by imagining that we are separate from the universe, from our minds and from destiny. we do it unconsciously like the porpoises come up from air, aware and unaware the same time. it allows us to talk to ourselves, to have the angel on one shoulder and the devil on another. it gives us excuses to excuse ourselves and imaginary controls to go about our days, like we are sitting in a cockpit in our heads moving about this other body.