For most of my life, I’ve lived across the world, halfway around the globe from the family and friends I grew up with. I haven’t relied on my neighbors per se but have a good network of friends and family on this side of the world I can count on, and perhaps this is what the phrase above was meant to emphasize. We find support from those physically near us. A hand can only pull you up if it’s close enough to reach you.

It seems the longer it’s been since I’ve seen a loved one, the quality of our time together increases. Absence creates scarcity, so an urgency and focus arise when I reunite with friends and loved ones. However, distance can also make a relationship fall apart, when there’s too much time between communication or it stops altogether. Regardless, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” rings true in my lived experience.

When I came across that idiom I was saddened. It reminded me of the distance between my family and me and how it was my doing that created so many years of distance. On the other hand, thinking of the new relationships and the home I’ve found here brings me joy.

For me, quality trumps quantity, and I cherish the phone calls, letters and long trips back home. I keep them close at heart but also leave them to their own devices and, if they find themselves in trouble or need assistance, they know I’m available.