as the days move on it is clear that the meaning of it all, for me, lies somewhere in between keeping content and trying to keep interested. books lay half finished around my study, projects half completed, clothes pile up and even the relationships i have seem to idle both in a good and bad way. so is middle-age, where blah and meh are the average response to it all and little of interest seem to surface. like arriving to lunch full, nothing looks that appetizing.

hardly surprising is that the phone has stopped ringing. to be interesting you must be interested. i never thought any of us could fake it, the boredom or ignorance shown through the veneer, and if not convinced there is no one else you could convince. it is why the best lias are the ones who believe in the bull shit they are serving. even in the dwindling time we have left, it is amazing how most of us resort to sitting on the couch and staring at screens rather then trying to make more of the world around us.

be interested. be happy. like knowing the recipe but refusing to follow it, the ingredients i am using are bound to fail. yet without any other choice i fall forward regardless of the results i know will come. destined to a determined end i react like everything else, shrugging my shoulders and sighing. so boring life can become even when given the multiple choices of everything. the middle years, the middle way, let this day and feelings pass with whatever medication might be adding to the mood.