the doughnuts are so good. like the foamy cold beer, the candy bar, hamburgers, all of these things that are so yummy going down. why do they have the unfortunate outcome of being bad in the long run? each moment laying in my bed, avoiding the work that awaits, postponing the conflicts that simmer, shortcuts fixed with sticky tape, it will get me through today but leave little foundation to stand on tomorrow. i want what my ancestors did not have, free from consequences, ignorant of tomorrow, the joy of the rush and ability to block out the known consequence.

i also want stuff. to be buried in found objects, collector of all and nothing i am the antithesis of Karie Kondo. i covet the search, feel i am helping society and its merchants as I wander out each day, in search of something i never knew i needed. i am quick to find a place for the object later, in one of my office spaces or hidden in the multiple boxes or drawers at home that are also filled with scraps of junk. bits of money and time traded for inanimate objects that seemed to bring me joy at one time. in the end i know i must leave these all behind, a burden for the loved ones that must scatter them back into the universe, perhaps keeping one or two as i have of my father before me.

money is also something i seem to have started collecting. in all shapes and forms, euro, gold bricks, bitcoins and equities. i have multiple investments in houses, offices, copper futures and loans to both friends and families. complex schemes that only i know about, fractional ownership that feel as real as the objects i covet since they are scribbled on signed pieces of paper or are backed by some sort of handshake or contract. these two will come to an end, perhaps with the objects i have collected, the calories i have shed and the memories i have forged. a temporary game, running between levels and collecting gold coins. i am the universe, playing games and witnessing change while knowing the consequences are both very real and inconsequential.