i have been running into walls of recent and wondering if i am going in circles anymore. the summer days and business unfolding into a mess of colors and sweaty clothing, fights and exhaustive proposals and circumstances. at certain points i go back to my safe spot, i count my friends and assets in my head, it reminds myself of the things i have, but it does little to placate the here and now. i think of the words that have plagued man since the start, suffering, and simply resolve into what will become of it all. we build sandcastles, we knock them down or the ocean does.

i think we all are in similar boats. rowing to and fro, filling our hulls with what we can, grabbing a crew of vagabonds that have enough similarities but enough differences to keep things interesting. sometimes we get on a skiff and head out on our own, but most of the time we keep in groups, working together towards an existence of sorts. we have setbacks and headaches but each day when our eyes open the game starts again, bring in the antagonist and form a plot, the curtain is always open to an audience of one. the here an now is it, but that only helps to further complicate it all.

a win or loss is also thrown into question. most problems come from the exact things we strive so hard to get. more work, more romance, money, room or more of anything. we sink ourselves in this stuff, in the stories, contacts, issues and obligations. alone is lonely, with others and we feel crowded. i keep thinking that there is some destination to get too, some point where contentment envelopes me and the perfect harmony awaits. a place where all this hard work pays off, where i float in water and look up and see shooting stars in blue skies. so i wake up and do it again, avoiding the walls along the way and doing my best to keep the chin up ever searching for the pot of gold i know is too heavy to carry home.