there are moments when all things are going well, then it doesnt. life is a game we are all trying to master and it keeps us on our toes, changing ages, weather and situations keeps us sure that no matter how good we get, how comfortable we are with our current situation, we are all sure to teeter from time to time.

just yesterday, i was having a superb day, the weather was on my side, the city, shanghai, was vibrant. i was with a friend, wandering the streets en-route to a saturday market in old town. we popped into a few galleries along the way, the cities retail is really coming into its own as it matures, gets richer, more confident. it was when we stopped for lunch, over a bowl of suzhou noodles, where things started to fall apart. my friend leaned into me about a story i was telling her, where i had save a few dollars while buying something, how my actions jeopardized the whole situation. how what i did, according to her, was wrong. how the i had broken the rules, how the short cut i had taken was foolish, silly, short-sighted. in a moment, the conversation and day changed. the direction started to flow the other way, and from then on the afternoon was no longer as interesting. as fun. our flow, my flow ended.

on the way home i managed to walk more steps then i had in a long time. 25,000 to be precise, just shy of 12 miles. my legs started to hurt, not in a good way. i kept it up telling myself that the pain is worth it. to push myself. another moment, this one physical, where a struggle was created. my phone buzzed, an art piece i had seen earlier was being offered to me at a cheeper price, i wanted it, i did not want it. i thought back to the argument with my friend, my legs felt as thought they were going to give up, i was moments from home. the phone buzzed again, an old client wanted to give me some business i thought i lost, i smiled, inside, i was tired, happy and sad all at once. my mind going over the story earlier, wondering if i had made a mistake. the messiness of it all i thought as i tried to calm the mind, the self. to remind myself this is all nonsense, playing itself out in real time and real consequences only to me, only in my mind.