its hard to completely tell the truth. certain things are best held back. so i don’t tell the couple dining with me that they are acting inappropriate when they accuse each other of being a bad partner. i also don’t tend to tell people how i’m really doing. the news of sickness is too sobering. i sometimes patiently wait out people and meetings that i have long given up on, i dont want to be rude and get up and leave. and where do i go? the hallway? home?

and then there is the rest of the time left. there are those hobbies, friends that i can laugh away time with, work and family but these mostly seem as though they could exist without me. there is nothing that is necessary for me to do each day, someone else feeds my cat and someone is at my office running the show. i tend to hold these thoughts in the back of my mind, for sure not to tell anyone that might think these dark thoughts will lead to darker places. a place of importance is necessary to stay relevant, if not that piece on the chess board will easily fall.

and then it stops. the objects collected will fall into others possession. the people in my life will enter other relationships. more food will be at the table, a bit more space on this already crowded ship. bills will go unpaid, the sun will still rise unaware that one less person gets to look up at its wonder and enjoy its warmth. the bigger question is…does it know that its rays are a bit harsher due to all our nefarious activity here on earth?