listening to his angry wife complain on and on with her girlfriend on the phone, jiang had to take a moment and walk out of his house. on his was out he could hear her yell to him where he was going, but since he himself did not know, he decided it was to not answer her. he followed the dark dusty stairway down three floors and landed in the half-built lobby of his rental home on the outskirts of what could be considered downtown and decided it was best for him to grab a bite to eat, perhaps a drink. all he could think about his predicament, and fill up what seemed to be a growing hole inside with something other then his thoughts. ever since the property company he worked out had gone out business, making both him and his investment currently obsolete, anxiety had been his only ongoing companion in these past few weeks.

on the way he had a hard time to blame anyone other then himself. it was not the others fault he told himself over and over again, thinking about how smart it was to buy a place even thought it was completely unaffordable at the time. he had watched so many others make money, many times over, with jumping into the local real estate game. it was a sure bet, how could he have lost? but looking back he always did, him and others like him. they always lost while the others seem to have gotten away and out early enough. last one in, first one out.

so the savings are lost, he reckons his wife is leaving next. he looks down at his empty beer and what is left of his noodles. a pit in his gut and noise in his mind seem to be attacking him from within. thinking of where he would go to or where he would end up, Jiang so wanted to cry. he wanted to wake up and find this all to be a dream, a horrible dream where he would sit up with angst and wipe his sweaty brow but would quickly realize that it was all a dream. that he had not lost his and his wives life savings, that he wasnt without a job, a home or a life. but there was nothing to wake up from, it was done, his only hope now was with the higher ups and he knew waiting for them to save fools like him was as far off as him waking up from this all, another hope in a world who had left him with no more to grasp onto.

thoughts from: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/12/business/evergrande-homebuyers-debt-china.html