what a world. each day we are presented with a myriad of directions to go, and yet we all seem to have so little choice in it. the noises and problems arise like the ringing of a phone, out of nowhere. our minds get stuck in the mud, obsessed over situations we had little control over but still take over our reasoning and attention. our moods color this all, fading it or enhancing the affect the world has on us. it is either all coming together or falling apart, glorious or disastrous all at once and in so many different variations for so many people. in the meantime, it all goes on. spring flowers keep coming and people persevere regardless of the difficulties and for the most part the outcome. they then find quotes and reasons to reinforce there choices and quotes to match the situation. all at once and over and over again.

what a life. to pause and enjoy all that it has brought; yet yearn for all that it has not. it is hard to feel two opposing feelings at once but this is what is going on. a balance of not too hot or too cold, to enjoy the pain but not overly. to lean into the battle but act and feel as if both outcomes are fine. to love is to hate and the worst of all tragedies somehow make for the best comedy. the jokes you are not supposed to laugh at. for how else could the best tasting things in life be the worst for you? the further one drinks himself into oblivion the further he must fall the following day…the pain from exercise we enjoy because we tell ourselves it is good for ourself yet our bodies tells us something other..movie stars spend their fame hiding from the public…the rich man hoards and protects his belongings…why does it feel so much one way but come out the other way?

life begins when a person first realizes how soon it will end.

marcelene cox

to finally enter the long sleep. the hasting of thoughts, impulses and urge to do anything but ending up staring into oblivion and awaiting the passing of it. a fine ending to something so temporary yet so mesmerizing. a chance to be within it all, to be for a moment the universe as it is happening now, spinning through space yet caught up in all its fun. to had fallen in love and to have collected both objects and memories, friends and places that cultivated who you became and also got to experience you. a chance to put order and significance in a random collection of time and gases and elements. a journey that felt so real and significant to you, but was barely glimpsed by others. to leave it all in one last breath, to take nothing with you, just as you came. a perfect circle.