here they come. the thoughts. one after the other, normally composing of negative ideas or petty jealousies, they march into my head and occupy valuable space. they cloud the blue skies outside, putting small bits of sadness in an otherwise pleasant day. i whisk them away, pushing images of fonder days and realities to combat them. but they still lurk, like dust balls under the bed they attack my senses and cause me to doubt the choices and person I have become.

otherwise i see life quite positively. i think things are improving, my family and friends are healthy and business is moving along. when i can stop the thoughts, common sense prevails and things are as they are, normal and acting out their place in the world. my cat greets me, my wife smiles and kisses me on my cheek and my employees show up and get on with their day. there is no connect with the absurd thoughts that clutter in my head and the reality i transverse. yet something brings them to the forefront. somehow they prevail. they keep coming back, annoyances and angst that when i address always seem to be replaced with new ones.

anxiety and remembering the bad, some say, is a defense mechanism. a key part built into our DNA to keep us alert and safe. in order to remember to grab the umbrella, we have to remember getting soaked. to overcome our real or imaginary adversaries, they have to annoy us, even in our imaginations. a storm allows us to enjoy the calm, they also keep us alert at the helm. rain showers bring blooming flowers but they also breed mosquitos and cause floods. a sound balance is needed in order to move on. a balance while having the understanding that the impulsive thoughts that flood my head are but moments of an old DNA strand, like the fear of drinking from a pond when we know alligators await us in the depths.