so lets pretend it all goes according to plan. you wake up to a happy spouse each day, the blue sky and puffy white clouds hover in paradise. the glass is all clean, the mind aware, little to improve. you walk around and marvel at it all, you sit back and then imagine….could it get better. then you start moving things around, perhaps just a bit more here, a bit less there. in seconds the place begins to change, there is no going back, the place becomes a mess. but for some reason you feel more content with this, you position your shoes nicely at the door, perfectly aligned you go into your bed and call it a night.

every day its wake up, find a mission or problem or create one. overload the children with homework and build a perpetual wheel to go around in, one that requires you to make money and spend money in one full circle. find a reason to fight with with your loved ones, or perhaps have life find a reason to fight with your health. either way, games of hide and seek, or duck duck goose surround us and consume us. very little time to ask where, why or how, best we do not contemplate those questions. those are too hard. we should spend more time instead figuring out how to make more money, build a bigger home or get to that tourist destination.

there is no idea to how i think the above can be avoided. i wake up each day and play along, making deliberate movements to stay on course, follow rules and stick to the playbook. fear of a discomfort of stepping off this track, avoidance of growing my hair and nails long and sitting under a tree, babbling to myself in the hopes of arriving at a different answer to the problem of meaning in it all. the other side of the mountain seems steep and foreboding, and i know that it leads to the same top. a place where you are high above the clouds, a place where endless other mountaintops surrounds you and valleys that run between them. a peak where questions still await if you have the energy or time to ask.