its all dark. the images that come up, the feelings, thoughts. i try to recall the reason for it but to no avail. i make jokes to make light of it all. to pretend that it is all fine, but like a deer in an open field…i am scared. fearful that not if, but when and how it will come to an end. when the peace will no longer outweigh the turmoil. when ill be eaten up, cornered or made obscure.

the thoughts do pass though. and then it is blue skies again. for how long it will last im unsure.

do older people constantly fear falling? being moments away from a wheelchair or a bed where they will never rise from. to know our mortality makes it worse, the book will end for us all. play time also wraps up, our lives increasingly marginalized by and endless row of actors waiting to share the light. waiting to take our place, in the field of moments we call home.