the eyes adjust, blurry at first but eventually the shapes start making sense. you are in your bedroom. the dreams quickly blur, something about a car wash and your teenage friends, but the thoughts escape you. wander to the bathroom and relieve yourself, great that the bladder is still able to be controlled, not looking forward to the day the diapers have to come back on. water splashed in the face and then the coffee. the morning, like a new life almost. although there have been miles put on this car, and the memories show this.
a series of events then unfold to guide the next few hours. previous engagements, projects that are half way built and people to see and call. more food, exercise and engagement. out into the world it goes…..
two choices unfold. let the day run you, or you can run the day. both are filled with perils and possibilities. both wont matter too much at the end of the day unless the off change of a disaster or a jackpot hitting. chances are the day will be like most others, meaningful to you alone and hardly meaningful at all. push the keyboards for a few hours, a proposal here a phone message there. at least you tried you tell yourself as the balls run back towards you like it is a pinball game, trying to keep as many in play as possible. hoping the family wont be disappointed, hoping you wont be.
as it goes, the bar and the few friends await, allowing you to slowly poison yourself and numb the whole thing. a physical feeling might give it some weight. meaning and momentum are halted for a temporary relief from the pain of it all. to bed you march, laying down exhausted, into oblivion you go, back to the ferry tails and marsh-mellows you barely remember the next day.