i couldn’t understand a sense of unease that multiplied until i could hear my heart beating.

truman capote

If the environment fails, then those within it suffer. We are products of our surroundings, offsprings of our teachers and mirrors of society. When the area around us catches on fire and swarms with locust, when mass testing for viruses rope arounds the neighborhoods and riots appear, cracks in us form. The balance falls, the shift happens that affects us all. and those remain for time to come.  

Anxiety builds and small things begin to feel overbearing. When you feel on edge, vulnerable and uncertain a vail is pierced, our armor quickly falls away and our frailty emerge. We lash out at imaginary aggressors, fear takes over and an overall malaise is born. we put our head down and pretend that it is not going on, but it is right in front of us and at times there is nowhere to turn.

To confront these moment tend to be unhelpful. So we put our head down, look away or comply. We want to flee to escape the frigid winters and baking summers. we tell ourselves of places where a normal existence can be brought back, to bring a return of the calm and simple pleasure that had left you when the noise became too loud but upon arrival you remember that you are still there. the new environment holds another air of hostility and unease, a different one with a similar underlying vibe of discomfort. a fall that is inevitable appears at some time to each and every one of us. best to lean into it, except it or try to escape it.