i start to annoy her at first light. waking her up to ask questions I neither need an answer to or she can answer correctly. ‘shall i get up’ i pose, sunshine barely creeping into the window as the early hours come into sight from the clock. or ‘should i sleep later?’ she refuses to answer, knowing i will either do the opposite or follow up with another series of conversation as she steals more sleep from the daytime. i know this is not a healthy way to start the day, but i push forward anyways, teasing a sleeping lion who i know will quickly snap as the first disturbance comes into wake her. i swing to my other side, look at my phone and wonder what messages await or news can occupy me as i stay as still as possible, any further movement will catch her notice and shouting will ensue.

i go from annoying to courting throughout the day. the difference is only in how comfortable i am with the one i am dancing with, the person i am playing ball with determines how to play. push and pull, speak, stop. smile, its what makes these mask so difficult, you cant see the faces behind. you cannot tell the emotions, if you cannot read the faces you dont know when to stop. the line is fine, between annoyance and anger. between flirting and failing. its both ok i tell myself, the worst is an indifference to it all. stop caring and the whole thing falls apart.

we are social animals, throwing words to and from. a dance of the eyes, with the words and the way we say things as ways to touch one another without having to physically pat and paw. we flirt, fight and fake our way through the day, asking each other how we are even if we do not listen to the answers. now we do it digitally, in text and mails, long, serious discussions or bits of nothingness zooming between two people or groups. murmurs and noises so important now, all but forgotten tomorrow.