who are we when we go about our day? when we meet people and when we engage in business? we do bend, we act in different ways around different people, in different situations. i have sat with people who change drastically when another person enters the conversation. we act differently when in front of our parents, our spouse or our children. it is an odd phenomenon and it makes me wonder if the person we start acting like is also who we actually are. like a person who changes when they are drinking, which one is them the sober of the drunk person or both? as time goes by, our personalities also age. mature for some, retreat and shrink for others. my favorite philosopher likes to say that the ego is a myth, that that personality i discuss is simply a reaction to the world, the splash that happens when a drop of water falls into the pond. 

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things get worrisome when they are going well. this is why every nation wants a population of rather wealthy and stable people, the more to keep them in line, the more they have to lose the better they behave.  so free it felt, when young and having enough in your pocket to go out and have a good time, buy a meal, get that article of clothing you want. it changes when the real money comes in. where to invest it, how to safeguard it, the confides this starts takes away any freedom that was caused by it. so they say, 75,000 a year is where happiness peaks at, after that like most things it goes in another direction. 

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it felt uncomfortable. like putting on a shirt that did not quite fit well. shifting in place it did not feel right. unable to look directly at it the shifting of the eyes felt forced but any attempt to look directly at it also felt uneasy. the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck raised, my heart beat increased and a slight headache slowly came to the forefront. wanting to walk away, all i could imagine that would make it better was to head home and run a warm bath. sitting in hot water always made me feel better.