today i looked at myself in a mirror and tilted my head and wondered who is looking at who. i ask what will i be today and why must it always go that direction. to work, to make more then my peers, to get more of whatever it is we lament about. to be heard, be considered. knowing that in the long haul nothing will matter, i get up each day and go about my shuffle to win more assets, i know nothing else. i try to take breaks, distract myself with other escapades, but the outcome of those attempts end up with consumption of more material or drinks or food. get working or keep wasting i say aloud, trying to convince myself that this is the right choice to make.

then i find a break in the system. i find a path where i can do some good or a phone call where a fine point was made, a break in the clouds. the system is in place to reward us from time to time and for the amount of complaining I do, i find alot of fun in it all. i create missions to go on, i make friends easily and i rarely sit still. i bounce from one area to another, my adult version of adhd taking me from place to place interacting with many. for the most part, people are content even if they are all sleeping.

at some point one might awake. the meaning of it all come flooding in, perspective clears and all the balls fall into place. you look at the mirror and find you are the whole world looking back at itself. folded into itself, we are pieces of it all, a summer day or tree in a forest. confused but sure we are here, we play our part and keep ourself busy. we count our peanuts, fluff our pillows and do what feels what we must do. we put on the hat, pull up to the gas station, get on the bike, kiss the wife, buy the milk and play with the dog. we react and create reactions in a flow of nonsense and insanity we rarely can deal with much less attempt to change.