you look sad….. i hear these words and wonder what sort of face i am presenting to the world, tired i think to myself, with the weather, the plague, the news cycles, the health, its been hard to put on a happy face. come on, brighten up, i hear next. my thoughts race to how easy it would be if that were it. if i could forget about the woes, the ways that the world is getting sick, the sadness that runs through lives, the poverty and unfairness in the world. the fact that monsters have bombs and cameras surround me with no idea who is watching them. privacy gone, in a strange twist to it all you are supposed to expose yourself to message boards, on blogs, in group therapy.

im speaking to myself here, confessing to a blank screen. yelling into a corner. it feels nice to type it out, to read it back and know that it will go away, like everything else, but left here like a scar i can look back on. i think its impossible to not get sad, frustrated, frightened. to feel awkward and to know failure means you tried. let the others mock and ridicule, its damn hard. all of it. even doing nothing. its hard to get out and speak your mind and its hard to hold it in. hard on us all. ever since we first screamed, and were told over and over not to cry, that it will be fine. as soon as you toughen up.

it ends. the senses and emotions have already been weathered. you either feel too tired and numb to fight or simply give up chasing. like never waking up, the long sleep brings you into a realm of nothingness, a long silence before you wake again. as someone else, something else, change all around it is simply another step in the evolution of it all. a broken bone when healed comes back stronger, a set back allows you the knowledge of a better attack next time, a sadness allows a happiness to follow, pain and pleasure chasing one another like night and day. sadness is the new happiness.

….on another note, link below is:

This is the story of the battle to build a railway across one of the most extreme environments on Earth. To lay down over a thousand kilometers of track in a remote wilderness. To drive 7 tunnels and to raise 675 bridges all at an altitude where even a simple breath is nearly impossible to come by. 140,000 workers and 2000 medics struggled for 5 years to conquer this hostile environment to complete. the Qinghai-Tibet railway, the highest, most extreme railway in the world, the chinese are amazing.