i like to say that we either run the day, or the day runs us. we can act grateful, choose to put the right things in our bodies, or we can skip it all and go a bit wild while abandoning the idea that it is a gift and call it all a curse. in the end we end up back where it started, in bed, putting our head down to rest only to repeat some version of it another day. weeks blend into months and we form habits that become indistinguishable from who we consider ourselves. we are smokers, fast-food feasters, gamblers or mild mannered observers. we dress a certain way, gravitate towards certain folks and pick up mannerisms that seem to fit our current mode.

we think we know how it came to be. we pretend we are in control, that the surroundings we find ourselves in are our own products, our own choices. we forget the moments leading up to it all, our parents, the chances and circumstances that led to it all. to be born in a time of peace, a time of wealth, an environment so suitable for living and a moment to enjoy it all. to live past those moments we shouldnt have, to be right where we are not, the circumstances to have it all line up. so individual, so lucky, such events could never have come about as choice. although a choice taken is a choice given, we simply just have to play along. pretending its our decision, our sand castle we are building, our game of house, or catch or hide and seek we are playing.

in these times i marvel at the unfolding of it all. the traffic weaves perfectly through the city, the clock keeps precise time and everything is working and not working in perfect harmony. events spread out in each direction, endless content made and to be made. we are consumers and being consumed, we are as much as we imagine it to be and as little and small as we pretend. life is as endless as the universe around us. each direction points to endless choices and parallel circumstances we momentarily pretend to choose. filling in blanks on a paper, choosing multiple choices while trying to color between the lines. a maddening blend of mind bending spectacles we pretend are clear cut choices.