what if your not the person you think you are? where does perception meet reality and why does it feel so bad to have others call you certain names or create stories that are not in line with how you see yourself? why does it sting so much when others have expectations of you that you can never fulfill?

recently i had a friend or wife or associate or son tell me that i am not aggressive enough in my company to compete in a city that I have been working in for most my adult life. the words stung, I admitted that I did not try so hard and i never resorted to begging, but i took this as who i am. as the c student and the aloof man who runs a company as a hobby. i have left things on the table, i did not expand beyond my comfortable walking area or size of buildings i could figure out in my head, but it was fine. sure more might have been better, but the reality is that its never enough. As i look at the chips stacked in front of me, although not enormous, they are a not a bad amount to walk away from the table from, or keep sitting at the table.

But they are partly right and it does not feel enough, but it never will. wealth, like beauty, is never enough. an endless chase towards an elusive goal that becomes something of an aberration once you catch it. people work their entire life but never really stop to think what they are doing it for, or, when they have collected enough, stop and start to use it properly. most end up dying with it, or giving it away to a cause they might have some sort of empathy towards. they could have been more giving all along the way, skipping work when the weather permitted and played in between it all, but the drive was too much. the drive towards an ever expansion of our own waist lines, beyond our vision and into an imagination that most never notice as they have their noses pressed against the stone, by their wife, self or son or friend doing their best to rack up enough to someday fulfill an imagination that they themselves have no time to even conceive. chasing the rainbow so sure it is right there at the end of the bend.