i have seen the end. it is not that bad, it simply is like the start, murky, dark and uncomfortable. it must be, if it was great, we would not want it to end. like a book that is too long, a journey where you want to go home, the end is perfect. the teeth hurt, the back is not what it used to be. you no longer make love like you used too. your reaction is slower, it is time to step aside and give way to the younger group. put your head down, step aside, grasp nothing.

it was fun. it had its highs. the frisbee throwing in the large open grass in the center of the city, on that autumn day might have been the best, but there were other highs. laughter came, even the hardships were enjoyed, the reactions were priceless. so was all the good things, with the bad, a life like not other as they are all different.

—

the sun is getting hotter. i am certain of this. a friend of mine has an orchard farm in hawaii, he has been growing countless orchards there for that past 40 years. about 20 years ago, he noticed they were starting too wilt, an phenomenon he had not encountered in japan or taiwan (where he was from) but something he rekoned was from being in the south pacific. so he pulled a transparent tarp over his flowers to shield a bit of sunlight, like this:

it worked, the flowers recovered and things were back to normal. until five years later, when they began to wilt again in the summer time, so he doubled up and put another layer of screen above his flowers. this year, he was on the fifth layer. he is not sure what to do in the near future. i feel it as well, a sun beating down on me not like the sun i knew before. as the fires burn in california and the ice caps melt, i wonder if anything im doing matters anymore.