burning man, 2017, the next one approaches.

in a word, it was awful. the mind kept racing, thoughts appearing out of nowhere, consuming the peaceful space that was supposed to lead to sleep. over and over, with anxiety at a high, the mind could not be calmed. it would not be calmed. like an upset stomach, but worse since there was no medicine to take, i simply had to let the mind quiet on its own. trying to calm it myself, would be like trying to calm waters by pushing down on the waves.

it happens from time to time and seems to come from nowhere. a fixation on something that i deem negative, something where i feel i have lost even though the overall scenario is nowhere near as bad as my mind plays it out to be. it is something that happens from time to time, a fixation on some topic that bothers me but for no specific reason. like a wave of negativity, it flows over me and consumes my mind for a period of time. would much prefer to have it never happen and if it persisted for longer then an evening or afternoon i think it might drive me mad.

are we all a bit crazy? i think to a certain degree. we handle it differently, occasionally talking out loud to ourselves, picking at our nails, running away from situations. we handle it differently, it is hard to grow old and hard to be young. each day, even when it is simple, brings out problems that could not be imagined. in the height of our dreams, when we think we have caught everything we wished for, we realise that we were already there and that the false narrative of destiny and dreams was an illusion like everything else. during the highest highs is when the lows are so easily to fall into. be careful for what you wish for and realise that more of anything will bring more of everything else along with it.