our whole existence based on this idealism that we are here for a purpose. that there is a point to all of this effort and that we will arrive one day at it. that there an epiphany will come to us, that we will settle one moment and finally relax. that our destination is a place we are going to. that there is a meaning in all the suffering, in all the laughter and collecting and letting go. that between sunrise and sunset there are goals to pass, goldilocks moments where it is just right. where the chase paid off. where the effort and energy was expelled in such a way as a perfect chorus erupted, fireworks exploded and the world applauds.

moments like above have passed and are coming. when you are left without urging, when the wrongs you have wished to right get adjusted, when you jump in the air and are not necessarily up nor yet coming down. we keep at it, rearranging the furniture and our friends, our diets and our effort. in search of this moment where we are no longer pushing nor pulling, where it comes effortlessly. where the encounters stretch on, where no room for anything else is needed. where we are no longer tired or have too much energy. where the spring and fall temperature match our own body, and the gentle breeze dances across our skin and the world swings in concert.

its in the skipping steps of a teenager in love, in the adorable moments a mother catches her young toddler laughing at nothing, its the moment the engineer stares onto the paper and see the bridge in an engineering feat of splendor. its found in moments of marriage and divorce, when things are just coming together or finally breaking apart, its in the clouds when spaced out to show the sky above, in the grassy fields and your loving pet welcoming you home. its everywhere and nowhere at the same time. the pointless pursuit of something as meaningful as life. the search for everything in nothing and nothingness in it all.