we seek happiness to avoid the bitterness that comes with sadness. we wish to refrain from the inevitable sad. so we chase dreams, seek people, sunsets and dragons in order to find something that will fulfill the fantasy we have in our head-where there is only up and never down. we trick ourselves into thinking that if we simply get one more degree to the left, one more rupple, one more drink or one more object in our collection we will arrive at a place that lives faintly in our memories. a place where warmth and comfort dance with a coolness where we know it is exactly right. we felt it before, at least we think we have. we throw ideas in the future and revel in the past.

all we have is now.

unknown-

when I look backwards the facts become jumbled. the scariest memories dull, the wins bigger and a sense that it was not so bad. forgetting the difficulties we faced, its easy to see life in its past form, cleaned up and narrated as we deem fit. even the bad parts are now mostly behind, with those people and places you might no longer be dwelling. everything is changing and this includes our ability to recall what it was all about along the way. the past is glorious we tell ourselves, politicians love to tell us this, also how great tomorrow will be.

our future awaits and it too has an allure that the present can no longer hold. a place where things righten themselves and hope is coming. anything can and will happen then. our bodies will righten themselves, our relationships will repair and our finances will come to order. a future is nothing other then the past reversed, a place we imagine things to happen that shades our today in minute variables. it is comfortable since we can narrate it, play it over and over again in our head, get away from the now and into the then.