one more reason not to attack.

as the days keep coming, the overwhelming weight of the world seems to be pressing more and more on the self. others worries and issues, the plastics piling up, the lack of justice and sympathy towards it all including myself create a real sense of urgency within. with all this, i go about the day as if nothing is going on. i smile outwardly and give little thoughts to the fact that it will one day be all over, i tell others i am fine, and in such i am. with no better ideas on how to change it all, i go about my days, throwing the dice and not forgetting to collect my 200 dollars. my little houses collecting rent as i challenge strangers to play along with me in this game of life.

as with most things, little choice is involved.

bed awaits. i’ll close my eyes and enter into another world. tomorrow will come hard, the urgency to finish and start countless relationships and contracts will fill the daylight, meals and moments of rest in between real efforts to turn the attention upon myself and ask what it is i am and what it is i am doing. half of the day will run itself, the other will be me pretending that i am in charge. choosing paths and ordering dishes while understanding little of why, where and when.

postscript:

there is something intoxicating about fear. about the usefulness in it to keep us in line, keeping us healthy, paying taxes, following the speed limit, following the rules. the way it lurks, underneath the current dialogue, always there in the shadows, awaiting you to enter so it can take advantage of your predicament. shine a flashlight in any direction and you can find a problem, a weakness or a vulnerability. if it is not obvious keep looking, wait for the moment, change the direction or charge, throw enough things at anything and eventually it will fall. such a fragile race we all are when faced with the perilous threat of taking it all away.