on the mind-

the monkey mind. out of control, and constantly at fever pitch, it reaches into our daily lives and leaves little left to the imagination. a second person it feels, telling us what to do or not to do, critiquing the world at large. wishing it would quiet down, or slow down and leave things alone and stop making noise in an already crowded landscape. sitting across from others, it rants and raves about problems and context that has nothing to do with the present moment, working on another set of problems and taking away the limited ability i have to focus on the things in my direct vision. finding issues that are not issues, the monkey mind mocks and makes issues out of nothing while downplaying the issues at hand, pretending it is not there only amplifies its noise.

—

on boozing-

in sobriety we notice things that were not there before. mans utter content with reality and ones never ending attempt to avoid any anxiety. pushing problems and difficulties away, numbing their senses, dumbing down the situation so that life is easier to consume. when you are numb the pain is easier to take, at least in the short-run. eventually the swelling sets in, and any occasion becomes one to consume, to partake, a normal episode of going about ones day requires the enhancement of drugs…forget the difficult days those require another whole level of medication. with claws into you, your body does its best to sort it out, as do our friends and loved ones.

—

on the body-

the pain is not so much acute but general, a feeling of aches and sore parts that seem isolated depending on the time of the day or the position of the body. in the morning, the bottom of the feet seem to resonate in pain, like putting on a pair of shoes that were too tight, perhaps it is from laying down and the blood not flowing… as the day goes on, the back and legs feel tight, being over forty has a few disadvantages, this is one of the greater ones. exhaustion seems to set in after meals, although the daily exercise seems to help fight this off. from time to time, a slight headache or something caught between my teeth or a nail i had pulled off seems to consume me with something else physical in an already tiresome life. so it is, being caught in a vessel, it is these feelings of pain in our tradeoff with god in order to also experience the feelings of pleasure. why arent they more pronounced? or is the lack of pain being maked for pleasure. if a nerve is not pinched is that pleasure…perhaps.