to the depths i fall. nothing unusual, just and odd and ongoing feeling of melancholy sweeping over me, like the clouds or fog rolling in. a bit of a calming feeling it creates, any excitement or pronounced feelings are dulled, steamied by this feeling of overall tiredness, deadness to or at the world. a touch of anxiety comes and go in waves, but mainly just grayness. after forty a doctor or two have been known to say your body is dying. and with that, aspirations and ambition fall, the hunt itself fading as the idea of turning more stones over to simply find more stone is itself a fruitless effort. gone are the days of chasing, climbing and dreams, each action now only a fruitless effort to retain what areas we have gained. how can this feeling come to be and when it will pass too and what will takes its place.  who created it, i have my ideas.

if a dog bites your leg, the pain will immediately be felt in your body, your mood will change. the poison from the dogs’ mouth (assuming it had rabies) also infects you. when you bandage it up your mood has been darkened, you are dying. each and everyone you meet from that point on is going to feel this darkness. in an ill state you are that illness.

it was being yelled at that did it. poison in the form of anger coming from another. putting out any of the excitement and fire that was originally there. like too little sun, or overwatering a plant, the oxygen taken away, the leaves wilted. its the pain one feels elsewhere that fuels the problems. its hatred and hostility that breeds further destruction. mistrust and misinterpretation create the broken relationships that harbor resentment and cause much of the pain that is ongoing and ever present.  it makes one want to run into the hands of others, hoping and searching for anything other then the noise at hand.