its hard for us to take our medicine. we know what the medication is, we feel the problems when we are among them, yet we still wont do anything about it. naturally we repeat, making the wrong choices while shrugging it off as if we dont have any other choice. we keep burning our hands, punishing our bodies, polluting our soil and pretending the next morning as if everything is normal.

i am lost. continuing the drinking even though I know it is not what the body wants or needs. snacking on the chocolates, as memories of the dentist and their drilling still fresh in my mind. I keep buying things that have no place to go and consuming more space even as the vacancies stack up. i am repeating what feels good in the short game even when i know that game is not worth the candle. i have stopped searching, ceased wanting and allowed my age to creep into my mind and body. i know this is the wrong choice, the unwise route, yet it keeps happening.

i hope i wake to tomorrow and find myself on the other road. the path that leads to change and happiness in others and myself. to find myself eating fresh vegetables and sipping hot tea, reading Thoreau and recognizing constellations. i wish to exercise and engage with this world in as if it were my first and last day. i want to see the spring flowers and not complain about the pollen. i want the cup half full, to be appreciative of all that i have and not yearn for the things, places or steps i have yet to take.