if i could paint it I would be in a field or on a beach somewhere. running and then resting. the sun not too hot and a light breeze that never stops. my friends are all around, but not all together. hidden in different areas, scattered like easter eggs and full of smiles and love when i see each one. cold beers awaiting me at the end, then home for dinner. coming in with accomplished stories and meat and precious stones in my bag to hand out to my family. my dog settles at my feet while I flip through a picture book and get ever so drowsy. my bath awaits, hot but not unbearable, i soak and reminisce of the day that just passed. i put on flannel pajamas and climb into bed. make love to the wife and sleep forever.

In probability I will likely be in bed all day. hooked up to machines that emit strange noises from time to time, notifying the doctors to come in and inspect some part of me. dying flowers and a sagging ballon in the corner remind me of how long i have been here. a list of problems come in and out of my conscious, actions i will no longer perform. my family around me looks worried but also annoyed, blaming me a little for the failure of my body, but of course not to me. to me they smile, tell me things will be ok, lying to me. but i barely listen, trying to escape to lucid dreams of beaches or parks, unfortunately thoughts of spite and unfinished games take most of my attention as i drift further and further away from a world i hardly got to know.

today neither of these fates will meet me. i will spend half of the day reacting to the world and the other half creating reactions. i will meander through the city, coming upon friends and problems with a spirit of a middle-aged man who was a bit wiser then yesterday. i will call my family members who are half way across the world and wish them my hellos, i will eat what i want and help as many shop keepers as i can. i will scan the news for glimmers of hope and stay aways from the sun when it sits at its highest hours. I will look for food and gold, try to smile as much as possible and create a better day for me and those i get to bounce off of.

postnote: the above photo can be found here and the music is by iron and wine.