why are we given so long on this planet? is there something specific that we are supposed to be accomplishing in this time…I ponder the rules and objective over and over. I know a few things are necessary, a healthy mind and body, I also know that there is a bit of joy found in making them unhealthy. I know that things are constantly in a degree of flux and there are opposites and two sides to everything. I know somethings while trying to forget others, but have no idea where this is all leading.

it seems to be building on itself. like we are about to arrive at something or hit some sort of answer, but time has taught me that this is an illusion. that there is only another problem waiting behind every question we answer, behind every mountain you climb. and like love, searching for this something is an elusive quest. the more you look for it the further it escapes you. it happens in certain times, when you are not looking for it and are heavily involved in some sort of game, quest or moment, it makes itself apparent. a feeling of arrival. like most things words escape it, but there was something that was seen and gathered. there was a thing there. a point.

it might be balance. the moment of bliss you get when you have achieved something like your goal. the time the heart races just enough to make you feel alive and your mind is so busy you have no time to ponder the meaning of it all. Or when the sun is rising or a full moon, so beautiful you have nothing else left in you except to marvel at its beauty. it happens when deploying your well saved capital, or when a flowering bush you have planted blooms or a real deep laugh from a good friend. maybe this is why we are here so long. To find or achieve these moments in life are hard to grasp, and we are constantly building these elaborate schemes to bring them all too fruition. scheming, saving and running. its what keeps us breathing when there is little left to breathe, it keeps us returning to the garden to the table. there are moments that are worth it. in between so many of those others that are not.