We have to label things, measure and rate. I keep comparing myself to my surroundings, comparing my life to my neighbors. Unable to escape this nonsense I try to ask myself why? Why does it matter if they do well or I do worse, in what world does my joy and feeling of self-worth come out of my measurement of those around me? What basic part of me competes on this level and why cannot I shake it? Part of us being human and having an ability to be cognitive of not only our life but others puts us in a difficult position of figuring out how we are doing.
Everyone gets it at a different time. I keep telling myself this. Too many things out of my control I remind myself, thinking that the end of all this is actually not such a bad thing. One of the greatest thing given in life is death. Something to remind us all that the music will not go on forever. It keeps us appreciating the sun rises or complaining at the thunderstorms and giving it our best shot, in whatever stadium we find ourselves. Its a one-shot game as well, moments will fall away quickly and you can look back at the choices you did not make and marvel at the ones you did.
“I want to live simply. I want to sit by the window when it rains and read books I’ll never be tested on. I want to paint because I want to, not because I’ve got something to prove. I want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place to rush off to. I want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artificial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. I just want to be, boundless and infinite.”
Unknown-
Im not sure how simple I want it. From news site, to books and magazines and then I am out of the house. Constantly in search of a brighter light, a better land. I collapse at the end of a day, fall into sleep while imagining other lives, other destinies then mine. I pick up the phone and look at the clock, call my friends and family and check in that they are still there, a constant that I can bounce off of as I sort through my issues. Write, work and look for fun. A passing cloud on a summer day.
