with little choice of my own, the words come out. like most of the things that happened today, free will had little to do with it. like a machine, wound up and set to go, my eyes opened, full of thoughts and stories i departed on my day.

little do i know where it comes from. where i come from. my understanding of self, my recognition of self, lessons day to day as i allow the ego to disintegrate. what am i left with when that goes i wonder. i still react, properly in most cases with respect and a conscious effort to not disturb anyone around me. i did not choose this time, date and know more and more the thoughts that enter my mind, the words i realise are also less predetermined and more scripted then before. reactions to multiple situations i have simply become used too.

to be woken is a difficult thing to understand. it stars with cracks in the surface of what you had once held true. with a bit of time, and thought, a clearer world is created around you. in this time, you start to see the cracks in that, and in circles you go. but as you keep going around the block you start to recognise certain patterns in it all. you see the decay and the growth on the same twigs, fantasy and reality wrapped into one segment.