there are moments where happiness evades me and seemingly to those around me. i cannot be sure those moments come from others, or from within, but they are quite uncomfortable for anyone caught in them. yet they pass. it all passes. those desires or the feelings of guilt that come from giving in to those desires, in time they dissipate. its almost as if a different person emerges, somehow connected to the old you but quite different in many matters of things. change is the only constant i once heard, albeit sometimes quite slow i have a hard time arguing with that adage.

i was told about this idea of fomo yesterday, fear of missing out. i think i might be afflicted. yet mine extends to snacks uneaten in the fridge, markets or sales at the stores and places in the world i have not seen. when i was a child i used to sit on the curbside and wait until the street lights came on (that was my sign to head home according to the parents) well in the summer this happened later and later so i would just sit there and wait out the lights, sometimes into the late night. unsure of what i was waiting for, all i know is that it was probably going to be better then my bedroom.

if we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future.

winston churchill

trying to keep the momentum going, but not sure how long any of this will last. at any moment it will all collapse, for me at least. and this is an idea i have also been honing in on. many people will lament about how the days are not as good as they used to be, but those people are also aging, they are not what they used to be. and it is through that perspective they see the world in those ways. like anything, there are two sides to a place and time, and am certain that it is probably better then it was for a long long time. those speaking about it have a hard time understanding they are speaking about themselves.